Negotiating isn't Fighting

Scott says…

Negotiating isn’t fighting. I really don’t like negotiating books and trainers that use the term adversary, opponent or even combatant as I read in one book recently. Many will even use military terms like battle, war and “shooting the other guy.” While the person or team on the other side of the table might be hostile, looking at the negotiation as a fight for “my needs” or as a battle is an equation for losing. You may win today, but you almost always loose in the long run.

I prefer Gerard I. Nierenberg’s style of looking at a negotiation as a collaboration. You can order his book The Art Of Negation in our bookstore. He says it is two parties trying to satisfy their needs in a way that benefits both parties. Once a negotiation turns adversarial emotions become involved and things get out of control. Should you feel that things have become adversarial, stop and try to understand why the other party is upset and why you are upset. Put yourself in their shoes and think how they would feel in the situation. Then try to correct it.

My favorite way to get things to simmer down is taking a break. I’ll make an excuse to leave the room and will go get a drink of water or pretend to talk on the phone. This gives me time to reflect on the discussions and to think about the other party. When I’ve collected my emotions I’ll go back to the table, often with my purpose and objectives clearly put back in my mind.

Many times I find that the other party is not frustrated with what is going on during the negotiation, but at something entirely unrelated. I had one negotiation get so out of control that both sides were calling each other names. We took a break and when I was walking out of the room the other team leader blew his nose and took a pill. I asked him if he had a cold and he said he should be in bed and that he’s had the flu for several days. I postponed the negotiation for a week and when he felt better, we closed the deal.

Don’t fight ‘em, delight ‘em. Be alert to anger and frustration as the break you take can save you money.

Book Review - Blogging For Dummies

Blogging For Dummies
by Susanna Gardner and Shane Birley
ISBN: 978-0-470-23017-6


This is the book you want to read if you are new to blogging. It has everything you need to get you started quickly. I really appreciated the pointers on advertising and the blogs listed for blog help. It is easy to read, as are all Dummies books, and has some excellent information. The book is lacking on RSS feed info, so this is not a good source. If you haven't blogged yet, get this book and proceed.

Book Review - The Huffington Post Complete Guide To Blogging

The Huffington Post Complete Guide To Blogging
By The Editor of The Huffington Post
ISBN 13: 978-1-4391-0500-9

This was a great book on blogging style and I really recommend it for that purpose. I’ll warn you, though. You’ll have to wade through a lot of “I hate Bush” and gay pride rhetoric to get to the meat of the book. Not that I care either way, I just don't want to read it. There is no purpose in liberal (or conservative) rantings in a technical book. But then again, if they hadn’t the book would have been thin and they couldn’t charge me $10.00 for it. Basically, if you are a journalist using blog media or you are having trouble with your writing style for your blog, it’s a great book. Otherwise, save your money and buy a newspaper. Or read their posts at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/. The posts are pretty good!